DiCAMzx creates mass hysteria, recalled

Today, PARASOL Corp. announced a total recall of its DiCAMzx camera due to “increased pressure from outside sources.”

Following the onslaught of user complaints on the company’s web site, DiCAM warned customers that photos taken with the ‘zx’ were in no way meant to be “a metaphysical description, prediction or prophecy.” The company also posted a disclaimer on their web site to minimize the possibility of litigation.

DiCAM-mania ushered in what stockholders hoped would be the coup de grace for their competitors, Kodak and Canon. The DiCAMzx hit stores months ahead of schedule – just in time for Black Friday, historically the busiest shopping day of the year.

Using the latest in sensor technology and software, the DiCAMzx digitizes more than just visible light for the picture, creating what advertisements call “true dimensional photographs.” Reading ambient light waves, radio waves, and heat-light energy from in and around the subject, the viewfinder captures the essence of the moment and the software translates it into visual terms.

Photo taken with first-generation DiCAMzx camera. Subject unknown.

According to user complaints, DiCAM photographers were getting a mix of unreadable and disturbing, if not frightening, results. Six weeks after the zx hit stores, individuals around the globe began claiming either blasphemy or reverence for the device, as photos were being linked to everything from undiagnosed disease in subjects to predicting fatal accidents and natural disasters.

In addition to the product recall, research and production of the zx and zxII will cease entirely. Surprisingly, stock in DiCAM’s parent company did not seem to be affected by the announcement.

Stories of divine forecast and augury continue to flood independent blog sites.

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